I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
