Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize