dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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