she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
