Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
