i'm signing you up for texting rehab
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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