it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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