He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
