I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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