She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
