Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
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