Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
