I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
