I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
