How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
