I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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