8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
