I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
