are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
