nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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