Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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