You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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