Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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