Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
