we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
