How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Of course I have a pirate flag
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize