I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
