I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
