it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
