Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm getting married
To pizza
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
