then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize