I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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