Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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