I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
