did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
