I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
