i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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