lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Randomize
