can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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