Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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