Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
