I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
