So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
