I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize