The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
