I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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