im about as happy as oj after his trial
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
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