Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
