She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
