wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize