Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
