I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
