Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
