Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
