I love black thongs
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
