I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
