it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
