Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize