we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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