i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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