On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
this is an emotional support booty call
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Randomize
