I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
