Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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