I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
