Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
