JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Randomize
