How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
