Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
