I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
