My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
