**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize