How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
