last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
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