i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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