sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
