That's when you crack a 10am beer
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
