Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
