I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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